I do not look out and see my dreams amidst fuzzy cotton
clouds or in some fog like stance. Instead, my dreams come in like a vivid
picture. They are more like memories from before or situations that have yet to
happen. If I could literally set up a story line to play out in my head tonight
as I gently lay my cleanly shaved head against my Dora the Explorer pillow, it
would be accumulation of everything I want or need rolled into a night’s sleep.
I would wake up in an oversized bed, with large fluffy white
blankets filled with down feathers. An amazingly gorgeous woman is waking up
next to me, while my man servant is handing me a phone. My man servant, Bruce,
knows how much I love to be waited on hand in foot. The phone call is, of
course, from a sultan in Saudi Arabia who is in need of a large amount of
capital in order to fund his next oil rigging assignment. He is calling me
because I am now the second wealthiest man in his third decade of life… That darn
Mark Zuckerberg with his facebook IPO is still creaming me. However, I do not
let my billions of dollars get my mood down, because today is the day that I
get to cross a major event off my bucket list: Running the Boston Marathon.
Running the Boston Marathon has always been a dream of mine.
Running in general is a passion that I have enjoyed for years. When I take to
the pavement with my favorite pair of Nike running shoes, I can enjoy the peace
and quiet of the world through my own deaf ears. I am currently running a
little over nine miles a day, and in each step of every mile I get to reflect
upon my own thoughts and worries. No one else is around. This set of “me” time
makes it incredibly easy to train. Boston is a city I have always wanted to
visit. It has such a historic nature and I would like to stroll around the
different pubs and city life it has to offer. The reputation of the Boston
Marathon is unprecedented. To not only have qualified for such an event, but to
go out and WIN the event would top off even the billions of dollars in my bank
account.
But alas, this is something that I can think and dream about
for the future is a vast promise land laid out ahead of me. My determination
and current path will ultimate lead me into my future. Forks in the road will
be my deciding points, and if I can choose correctly, I may find myself living
the dream. Time and courage are my best friends traveling forward, and it is
with the help of those supportive around me that I weave my dream from faint
scrapes of fabric into my ever presence of reality. If I can dream it, I can
achieve it.
Zac -- First off, don't forget to include your topic number either in your post title or in the body of the post itself.
ReplyDeleteNow -- I really like the dream portion of this post, but that's only one paragraph of the whole post. The intro works well with that paragraph (particularly the line about the Dora the Explorer pillow), so we'll say that one counts, too.
That third paragraph goes off onto a big tangent about why this marathon is part of your dream (instead of staying in the script of the dream itself), and you try to bring it back into the dream by the end of that paragraph, but it doesn't work so well. Something similar happens with that last paragraph.
So, in terms of writing advice for future drafts, I think from this one, you learn to be careful about sticking with a consistent tone, voice, perspective, etc.